Black, No Sugar (NM) - Napping

Its the third week of uni. I've consumed enough alcohol to sink a ship and I'm already overwhelmed at life. I can't remember the last time I had inspiration to write or even promote scheduled posts. I've completely ignored blogging and writing all together. I'm planning on writing a little update in the near future but for now, this is the first piece of writing I have written in ages. This was a little exercise in a seminar for Feature Writing that was about a Confessional Piece. I'm fairly proud of this piece since I went into the seminar with no idea that I would be writing and not even the motivation for uni. Yet I left feeling happy, motivated and like I had accomplished something.

I jump awake. Again. What day is it? What time is it? Where am I? The confusion I’m feeling is all too familiar to me. I check my phone. Four missed calls. Ten text messages. 16:07 screaming at me from my phone screen. The TV playing in the background. I done it again.

My day always, always starts with the intention of being productive. The intention, that’s the key. Yet my life motto ‘naps are good for the soul’ somehow creeps up on me. Soon, the only thing I can now think of is napping. Not the empty wardrobe because everything I own needs washing, not the pile of dishes that is becoming out of hand on my desk, not the bin in the corner over flowing with crisp packets. Just my bed. My un-made, messy bed. The same place I struggled to get out of just hours earlier.

I knew that the amount of naps that I’m taking a day is becoming more of a problem than a solution when this was the third time I had woken up that day. I was so sure that I would only watch TV for 10 minutes yet here I am just short of two hours later grumpy, confused and stiff. I had fallen asleep in the most uncomfortable position on the sofa, yet to napping Niamh it was suddenly so, so comfortable. I thought I had cracked the code when I dragged myself out of my cosy room, put jeans on and sat on the sofa in the chilly living room to watch TV that I would not fall asleep. Yet I did.

Even though I’m said to be lazy I couldn’t disagree more. I don’t set out my day with the intention of sleeping 5 hours of it. I set out my day to make my bed, to do my washing, to wash the dishes, to take my bin out and to tackle at least something on my ever-growing to-do list. Yet napping consumes me. Deep down I know that this is unhealthy, that it is affecting my life more than I let on but I still continue to nap. I continue to nap without even being aware of what I am doing.

Napping is a coping mechanism. I nap to relieve stress. I nap to give me a break from anxiety and worry. I nap when life is overwhelming. I unconsciously use napping to get away from everyday life. I spend hours glaring at the computer screen hoping inspiration to write will come to me, I overthink even the littlest things that have happened weeks prior, I try to control every little thing that is going to happen throughout the day yet this just exhausts me. It exhausts me to the point that I shut my blind, crawl back under the covers, put my phone on silent and let sleep consume me.

I’m an adult for God’s sake! Not a new born baby! This needs to end, the vicious cycle of ‘naps are good for the soul’ and waking up grumpy and stiff needs to end! I want to end my day with being proud of everything I have achieved when my mother rings and asks what I’ve done today. I don’t want to sheepishly admit to taking 2 or more naps a day.

This piece is far from finished and really only a draft but I wanted more than just me and my lecturer to see it. I felt like I wanted you all to see it too and wanted it somewhere where I knew I could look back and see my progress.

Thankyou to everyone that has continued to support me though this quiet period!
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